Preparing for Change: Benefits/Costs
By Dr. Jackie Holt
© 2005 Jackie Holt
All rights reserved.
Reprinted by Remacue with permission
One of the biggest mistakes we make when we try to change is to overlook the need to PREPARE for change. Unfortunately, this lack of conscious preparation prior to initiating any change in our life is a key reason why many of our attempts fail. How many of us have tried numerous times to lose weight, start exercising, stop smoking, relax, manage our money better or leave the office earlier?
Most of us know what we should be doing; but when we don’t, we become frustrated, disheartened and even angry at ourselves. We may even believe that we are somehow flawed; that if only we had more willpower or strength of character, we would succeed.
However, willpower has nothing to do with it. What we need to remember is that change requires dealing with ingrained patterns of behaviour or thinking. Just to show you what I mean, cross your arms for me.
Without looking down, which arm is on the top? Do you remember thinking “right arm on top, left arm goes below” when you crossed your arms? I’m guessing that you didn’t. Now, once again without looking down, try to cross your arms the other way... how difficult was it? For most people, it takes a little time and thought – not to mention feeling uncomfortable.
Now we are only talking about a simple behavioral task. What happens when we want to change something more significant in our lives? The answer is that we tend to either get caught up in the procrastination phase (then feel guilty for not taking action), or we cycle through various attempts (and still feel guilty when we fail!).
So how will preparing for change help?
Preparation requires collecting information about your problem and getting ready to change. You need to:
- identify whether there are more benefits than costs to the change
- analyze the barriers and enablers to change
- decide if you have the personal resources and capabilities to change.
One of the key ways you can decide whether you are ready to change is to complete a benefits/cost analysis. The benefits represent positive aspects of changing your behavior while the costs represent negative aspects that could occur from the same changes.
The key areas for consideration are:
- gains for self and/or losses for self
- gains for significant others and/or losses for significant others
- approval from significant others and/or disapproval from significant others
- self-approval and/or self-disapproval.
So, the first step is to write down the change you are thinking about and then write down all the positives/negatives of the change you are thinking about.
For example: if you were thinking of quitting smoking, these are some of the pros/cons you might list.
Benefits of quitting
- Save lots of money
- I won’t feel so short of breath
Costs of quitting
- Taking time out for a cigarette feels like the only time in the day that I stop to do something for me.
- I enjoy the camaraderie of my friends who smoke.
- I like smoking – it relaxes me.
In this example, the costs still outweigh the benefits. If they tried to quit now, they would have less chance of success.
So how does this relate to small business owners trying to find more balance? I’ll share this example. One young solicitor that I was working with was working really long hours. He had a wife, 2 small kids and 1 on the way. He told me that he felt guilty that he couldn’t get away from the office until 7 most nights. By this time, the kids were usually asleep.
I asked him to be really honest and write down all the benefits and costs of working late. To his surprise and incredible guilt, one of the benefits of working late was that he missed what most parents refer to as the ‘bewitching’ hour – the time when your children change from cute and adorable to whingy, tired hungry monsters.
He said that he felt like a lousy dad, and a bad husband – he felt so incompetent. At least he was good at his work. He said that he felt that his relationship was becoming more strained and all in all it was just easier to stay late. He was mortified to find out this was one of the real reasons.
I told him that this was an incredibly common feeling and in my experience with working with over 1000 people across Australia, it is usually more prevalent amongst men.
I asked him to reflect on these questions
- What is the best case scenario? If he woke up tomorrow and a miracle had occurred what would his homecoming look like?
- What is the reality of that occurring? Are there aspects that could happen?
- If he keeps thinking and doing what he is, will it take him in the direction of the miracle?
- What would he need to think/do differently?
- What resistance will there be from self or others?
- What’s the worst case scenario?
These questions gave him the emotional leverage to help create more costs than benefits and helped him to take action. Together we worked on preparing a plan of small steps to take him in the direction he wanted to go. The first and most difficult task for him was to talk honestly to his wife about his feelings.
He was worried that he would come across as a selfish and unloving git – however, she was as unhappy as he was. They discussed the questions I had given him in more detail and using the answers they came up with a routine. It was not perfect and felt very artificial at first, but in the words of the great philosopher Pantene – change didn’t happen over night, but it did happen!
He said that one of the biggest lessons for him was to aim for progress, not matter how small, rather than perfection.
The bottom line is....
Successful change occurs when the anticipated gains outnumber the anticipated losses. Taking the time to PREPARE for change will help you to move closer to your goals.
Dr Jackie Holt (Ph.D.,M.Stud.Ed,DipPHC,B.Ed) is the Director of Ripplemakers Pty Ltd a boutique company that specialises in strategies for personal and professional well being.
Jackie is a professional speaker and workshop leader with over 20 years experience in the health and education field. Jackie has turned her research into a range of proven practical strategies that have enabled people to achieve significant results in their lives. For information about Jackie visit www.worklifeskills.com
